Welcome to my blog where I discuss the healing after a breakup with Wrexham Hypnotherapy.

(all images AI-generated by Microsoft Copilot).

Here, we explore how to heal your mind without dismissing your pain after a breakup. Whether you’re struggling with loss, or tired of being told to “just move on,” you’re in the right place.

Grab a cuppa, and let’s get real about heartache after a breakup. Because your grief isn’t a disorder, it’s a testament to how deeply you love.

Relationships shape us—biologically, psychologically, and socially—in ways we often don’t recognize until they’re gone. Yet clinical settings frequently reduce these profoundly human responses to a label: “Adjustment Disorder.”

But here’s what most clinicians miss: slapping a label like “Adjustment Disorder” on your grief ignores the real issue. While these labels aim to guide treatment, they often perpetuate judgment and stigma instead of offering support.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed this dynamic firsthand in clinical settings. Professionals, who should listen and provide empathy, often dismissively say, ‘They need to get a grip.’ Such judgment deeply damages therapeutic relationships, creating barriers where bridges are needed. Yet, these individuals seeking help deserve acceptance and compassion, not dismissive comments or advice to ‘get back on the dating scene‘ or ‘try online dating.’ After a loss, this is like handing a Band-Aid to a broken leg. You deserve better.

However, reframing loss after a breakup is a profound human experience, and we need to support individuals to navigate their pain with dignity and resilience. As a mental health nurse and a solution-focused hypnotherapist, I’ve made it my mission to create that space—one that fosters empathy, self-worth, and resilience. Solution-focused hypnotherapy isn’t just about relaxation or coping strategies; it’s about rewiring unhelpful thought patterns and moving forward in a way that feels meaningful.

Loss, especially the loss of love, isn’t just emotional—it’s physiological. Our brains, our bodies, our very sense of self—everything is affected. In this blog, we’ll explore how relationship loss impacts the brain, why it hurts so much, and, most importantly, how we can heal. Because while rejection may be painful, it doesn’t have to define us.

Meet Tom (name changed): A 28-year-old who came to me after a 5-year relationship ended. His sleep was wrecked, his mind replaying every “what if.” Though the relationship had moments of joy, it was ultimately marked by deep incompatibilities. Conflicting values and ongoing tension had taken their toll.

When the relationship ended, so did his sense of stability. Tom was caught in a cycle of self-blame and regret, replaying moments in his mind, wondering if he could have done more to “fix” things. Sleep became elusive, a tightness gripped his chest, and his energy was drained by constant rumination.

We worked through four key areas that were keeping him stuck:

Understanding the brain and loss: We delved into how the brain processes grief and loss. Exploring the physiological impact and the potential to create positive neurotransmitters through techniques like the 3P’s—Positive thought, Positive interaction, and Positive action.

Understanding core beliefs: Many of Tom’s struggles weren’t just about the breakup itself, but about deep-seated beliefs that had been reinforced by the relationship. We worked on shifting these, helping Tom rebuild his self-worth.

Reframing loss: Rather than seeing the breakup as a failure, we reframed it as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. This allowed Tom to find meaning in the experience rather than being trapped in pain.

Fostering positive action: Finally, instead of passively waiting for time to heal, we focused on active steps—exercise, social connection, and small daily wins—to help Tom regain a sense of control.

Using trance, I guided him into a relaxed state where we could work on reshaping subconscious thought patterns. Furthermore, through visualization techniques, Tom revisited memories and he was able to see them from a new perspective, recognizing that his worth was not defined by the relationship. We used positive suggestions to reinforce self-compassion, helping Tom internalize the idea that endings, though painful, can be a doorway to personal growth.

I also introduced Tom to the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), a powerful tapping method that he used when he found himself caught in cycles of rumination. He also used EFT at bedtime to help quiet his mind and facilitate sleep, alongside an MP3 recording I created specifically for him. This combination provided Tom with practical tools to regain control over his thoughts and emotions, reinforcing a sense of inner stability.

We also worked on balancing introspection with constructive action. Instead of simply filling the void left by the breakup, we focused on actively generating positive neural pathways. Exercise became a cornerstone of Tom’s healing—regular workouts, long walks with his dog, and reconnecting with friends became tools for physical and emotional resilience. Additionally, I introduced self-hypnosis techniques he could use at home to reinforce relaxation and emotional stability.

By the end of our sessions, his progress was remarkable. His perception of the breakup had shifted; rather than seeing it as a personal failure, he viewed it as a necessary step toward alignment with his values and future happiness. His mood was measured at a 4 at the start of therapy. At the end of therapy, it had transformed into an 8-9, reflecting his newfound sense of clarity, self-worth, and peace.

This journey was a testament not only to his determination but also to the power of tailored, solution-focused interventions in overcoming rejection and rebuilding a sense of self.

The pain of a breakup isn’t just emotional—it’s neurological. The brain treats rejection much like physical pain, activating the same neural pathways. This is why heartbreak feels so raw, so physical.

Oxytocin: The Bonding Hormone

Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” plays a crucial role in attachment. When we form close bonds, our brains release oxytocin, reinforcing feelings of safety and connection. But when a relationship ends, oxytocin levels drop sharply—leaving us feeling isolated and emotionally vulnerable.

The loss of a relationship can evoke profound emotional and physical pain. Heartache isn’t just a metaphor, it’s a real phenomenon, a visceral experience rooted in the connection between emotional distress and bodily sensations. When someone goes through the loss of a meaningful bond, the body responds in various ways:

• Chest Discomfort: People often describe tightness or heaviness in the chest, which stems from the interplay of emotional stress and increased muscle tension. This sensation can feel alarming, but it’s generally not indicative of a medical condition.
• Activation of the Stress Response: Emotional pain can trigger the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones prepare the body for “fight or flight,” potentially causing a racing heart, rapid breathing, and even a pounding headache.
• Pain Pathways in the Brain: The brain processes emotional pain similarly to physical pain. The areas involved—such as the anterior cingulate cortex—can amplify the feeling, making heartache feel like a genuine, physical injury.

Long-term Effects

• Impact on Heart Health: Chronic emotional distress may lead to issues such as increased blood pressure or inflammation. This can strain the cardiovascular system. Rarely, intense grief or stress can result in “broken heart syndrome” (stress-induced cardiomyopathy), mimicking symptoms of a heart attack.
• Changes in Sleep and Appetite: The physiological toll may disturb sleep patterns or appetite, potentially weakening the body further and exacerbating feelings of fatigue or sickness.
• Impact on Mental Health: Depression, anxiety, and chronic stress are linked to poor heart health. These conditions can accelerate the development of cardiovascular risk factors, such as plaque buildup in arteries. Over time, unresolved emotional distress can contribute to systemic health problems, reinforcing the importance of emotional healing.

This connection underscores the importance of addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of heartache. It’s a testament to the deep interconnectedness of our emotions and physical well-being.

The good news? The brain is adaptable. With the right strategies, we can rebuild a sense of self, restore emotional balance, and create new pathways to promote healing after a breakup and find happiness.

1. Replenish Oxytocin Naturally

Try:
✔ Spending time with loved ones
✔ Cuddling a pet
✔ Practicing self-compassion (like placing a hand on your chest during meditation or reflection)

Reflection: What small moments of connection can I invite into my day?

2. Calm the Stress Response

Try:
✔ Deep breathing exercises
✔ Mindfulness or guided meditation
✔ Listening to relaxing music

Reflection: When I feel overwhelmed, what small actions help me feel grounded?

3. Identify Core Beliefs

Try:
✔ Journaling about relationship patterns
✔ Noticing recurring emotions and thoughts

Reflection: What beliefs about myself might be shaping my relationships?

4. Balance Reflection with Positive Action

Try:
✔ Daily movement (walking, yoga, or gym workouts)
✔ Scheduling small activities that bring joy

Reflection: What is one simple action I can take today to boost my mood?

5. Use Hypnotherapy to Rebuild Self-Worth

Solution-focused hypnotherapy helps the brain focus on solutions rather than problems, creating new neural pathways for resilience.

Try:
✔ Visualization: Imagine your future self thriving and feel how it would feel
✔ Self-hypnosis: Listen to positive suggestions before sleep

Reflection: What small steps can I take to become the person I envision myself to be?

Your Pain Isn’t the End, Because Healing After a Breakup is Real

Let’s be real: No blog can erase heartache. But if you take ONE thing from this, let it be this:

“Your grief isn’t a flaw—it’s proof of your capacity to love. And that same capacity will pull you through.“

Whenever you’re ready, I’m here to help you rewrite the story.

💙 
Wrexham Hypnotherapy